The Fangirl Guide to FMA Bishis
by Ayumi Elric
Summary: So, you think you're up to being a FMA fangirl? Come for the best techniques and skills of fangirlisms and learn how to bag your man!
1. Welcome to the world of Fangirls!

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Congratulations! You have seen the anime Full Metal Alchemist and has decided that a certain hot character is the man for you! New to the fangirl world? No problem! The Fangirl Guide to FMA Bishis is here to help!

_Please note: This fangirl guide is made completely for fan_**_girls_**_, and it is suggested to have OORFS (Over Obsessive Rabid Fangirl Syndrome) before continuing. Thank you._

Here at Full Metal Ayumi, the official corporation for fanfiction's Ayumi Elric, we ensure you that you will be guaranteed a chance of a lifetime. All fangirl acts have been tested and approved by FMA's biggest fangirls, including Ayumi Elric herself, and are certain to bring you with the bishi of your dreams!

Though completely safe, the Fangirl Guide is not recommended for those who don't fully intend to capture their bishi. Casualties, humiliation and otherwise is not to be blamed on Full Metal Ayumi. Reading and following through with the contents of this Guide ensures that you are indeed responsible for whatever acts you take.

If you are completely sure and determined to capture your bishi, please note that there are _many_ FMA fangirls, some who may acquire your bishi before you do. Not to worry! We assure you that at some point, your bishi will free himself, leaving him open for your capture.

Good luck! Read through future chapters for information on your bishi!

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	2. Edward Elric

So, you want Ed as your bishi? Well, girl, you got yourself a challenge! Ed is most frequently known as bishi of the week/month and is the hero/main bishi of Full Metal Alchemist. Naturally, at least half of all the FMA fangirls in the world are Ed fangirls.

_Basic Information:_

Name: Edward Elric _(also responds as Ed, Edo-kun, the Fullmetal Alchemist, Brother, Nii-san, and any way to call him short)_

Age: 16

Born: February 3rd, 1899

Dies: In such a sad tragic way. -sob-

Height: Not to be mentioned.

Weight: More then it seems.

Likes: Alchemy, martial arts, his brother in a non-yaoi way, other things that the author can't remember...

Dislikes: Being called short, milk, fangirls, Roy Mustang (partially), Hohenhiem, Envy and the rest of the homunculi, a number of other things the author can't remember at the moment...again...

Family: Trisha- mother, Hohenhiem- Father, Alphonse and Envy- Brothers Dante- ...distant...step-mom??? Half-mom???

Fangirls claimed by: Ayumi (Arumatsu) Elric, Sapphire (Delphine) Elric, MrsEdwardElric (Cathy), Chibi-Elric-Chan, Gothic Fangirl, Shadow Alchemist, (contact Full Metal Ayumi to claim a bishi!)

Current Status: Captured as of June 21st by Ayumi Elric. Sorry fangirls! -insert evil fangirl laugh-

_Knowing Edward Elric:_

Things you need to know about Edward Elric before you go to kidnap him:

The beloved character of Full Metal Alchemist, Ed is stubborn, making him difficult to catch (though not impossible). He's usually on his guard and has a nervous habit to run away from girls in fear that it's yet another fangirl. Not to fear, this can be easily solved through disguising as a guy.

Being close to his own brother, it is slightly recommended to also kidnap his littler brother, though that minimizes fangirl-ness if you don't particularly love Alphonse, and this will make the chance of escape increase.

Hypnosis is the best way of making sure that you have Ed for a long time, but using it makes awkward side effects occur. Being random and unpredictable; always be on your watch.

_Preparation_:

Being the most popular bishi (and the side note of being a prodigy), Edward is found to be tricky to fool. Be prepared to disguise your appearance when approaching, for fangirls are known to have mad, sparkly eyes, wild and/or hyper gestures and the case of drooling and stalking. Avoid all of these to assure capture of Ed.

Also refrain from wearing Ed or FMA cosplay, Risembool Ranger outfits, or any clothing that would make him assume you have indeed seen his show. This will make him nervous and bolt before real conversation is made.

Note that by doing anything to make your appearance seem radiant to catch his attention will make you mistaken for a Mary Sue, which will result in disgust from Edward and his immediate exit.

Always make sure you have the Full Metal Ayumi patented Edward Elric Fangirl kit with you.

_Using bait_:

This is recommended in capturing Edward Elric. Most suggested is the use of your Full Metal Alchemist VoiceChanger. Set the voice changer to Alphonse Elric and repeatedly call "Brother!" in a distressed tone. This will make Edward frantic and lure him closer to your trap.

For bait, you may also use the longer technique of spreading around rumors that the Philosopher's Stone is in your area/grasp. Though it takes longer, it's much more efficient. Edward will be drawn to you like a moth to a flame, and that's when you can capture him.

Another thing is using the option of using your little sister or brother. Ed has a weakness with smaller children. Have your little sister act cute to him and have them bond long enough for them to be close (this will remind him of Nina, meaning he'll be slightly distant at first). With a little brother, start a big dramatic act that your little brother is lost and ask for his help, or have your brother go to him and tell him that he's lost you. Ed would start acting like the hero as it is his nature and take up the task.

_Capturing Edward Elric:_

Actually capturing Edward Elric is tricky, seeing as he is a skilled alchemist. The quickest and easiest way to capture him is by surprising him, knocking him out with something vaguely heavy.

After he's unconscious, proceed to tie him up with a thick rope, or some heavy-set chains. Make sure you bind his hands and arms, as he can transmute without a transmutation circle. Carry him off in a non-obvious way (avoid the potato sack as it is overused and obvious) and make sure to fight all fangirl urges until after he's awakened.

Another way to get him is by swarming him; having at least 10 other fangirls accompany you and tackling him at the same time. Make sure everyone's wearing skimpy clothing, as Ed is shy and unused to female companionship; he will fall dizzy from exposure and perverted thoughts. Tie him off and carry him away.

Note: This way is more difficult only for the fact that you all will start fighting on who gets to keep Ed. By that time, he would've escaped.

Usually in all ways of capturing him, it will involve Edward being unconscious.

_Waking up Edward_:

If you are impatient to wait for Ed to wake up on his own, there are a number of ways you can wake him, the most obvious being prodding him with a stick and splashing him with cold water.

The easiest way is by loudly insulting him on his side. He will automatically wake up and yell the short rants we all love before stopping to realize the situation.

Another way is by using the Full Metal Alchemist VoiceChanger to make your voice resemble Winry Rockbell. Yell at him to wake up and poke him with a wrench and he's bound to leap to his feet in a panic.

And there's always the option of just being a fangirl and doing things with him. He's bound to notice after a while.

There are many more ways to wake him up, be creative!

_Coping with Ed after he's been captured_:

Ed tends to be very moody after taken by a fangirl, so coaxing him to relax is always an option. It is stupid to untie him as he will escape immediately. Getting him to actually think about trusting you may take a few days where you have to act completely nice to him and hold back being a fangirl. And even then, he'll be plotting your downfall.

There's also a chance that he will completely freak out if he's in the midst of more then one fangirl, so make sure the fangirl amount is low when he awakens.

_Taking care of Ed:_

Even if he's your prisoner, he's still a person. You need to take care of him, especially as he's lost the use of his arms (which need to be bound at all times)

Feeding: Ed eats a lot, so prepare a rich feast for him at every meal to keep him happy. If you're willing to let him use at least one arm, watch him in case he starts making transmutation circles in the pudding and makes it explode to escape. Tie him to a chair at every meal. If you don't want him to eat by himself, make a lovey-dovey scene by feeding him, which will make him blush and try to refuse food. Make sure the food smells really good, as he won't be able to resist. Don't give him milk, he hates it. Alot.

Sleeping: Make sure he's comfortable, as being captured often makes Ed sleepier then usual. If you allow him to sleep in your bed, wait for him to fall asleep before jumping in with him and get out of the bed before he wakes up. Failure to do that will cause him to scream and freak out when he wakes up, and start not sleeping until he's sure you're asleep.

Leisure: When not doing anything, Ed will start moping and whining about random things. Ignore if you don't want to go crazy. He'll also get upset if he's not with his brother, so always be prepared to kidnap Alphonse, or his counterpart Alfons which is safer and easier to acquire.

Cleaning: He will insist on cleaning himself, despite not being able to use his arms. You can either respect your wishes or give in to fangirl urges and wash him yourself. He'd want to avoid you more if you do, so avoid that option. You can also get in the tub/shower with him if you feel like inspiring a hot romance scene or making him freak out.

_Fangirling_: As that is the purpose for kidnapping him, with Ed, keep fangirling to a minimum. Kissing him and teasing him about his clothes is okay, but if it gets as far as doing the unthinkable in bed with him, he'll be more prone to escape. Only do that if you are indeed an expert fangirl and know what to do in these situations. For other fangirl needs, use hypnosis to make him more eager to do what you want to do.

_Escaping: _Escape will be one of the main things on Ed's mind, so keep him on watch 24/7. As suggested before, using hypnosis will have him unable to leave, though major angst sessions might occur as a side affect. Use ice cream, candy and FMA plushies to make him feel better.

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

**Q**: I was able to catch Ed, but now the army's after me!!! What's going on?!

**A**: Unfortunately, being as Ed's the "dog of the military", after being missing for a certain amount of time, the military will send out to look for him. Hahahahaha. This can be solved only by changing locations and not making yourself suspicious. Sucks to be you.

**Q**: I escaped the army but now this mob of rabid fangirls are right outside my door!! Help!!!

**A**: Well, being as Ed is very popular, fangirls are prone to try and steal them from you. It helps to be skilled in the martial arts for this scenario. If you are not, the only thing we can say is: Ahahahaha! You're screwed.

**Q**: I'm trying to take care of Ed but he keeps ignoring me. I think he hates me.

**A**: He probably does. You kidnapped him after all. Only thing you can do about that is pamper him and make him feel at home. Or kidnap Alphonse so they could be together.

**Q**: I was trying to give Ed milk to keep his calcium intake high and he started freaking out. What's up?

**A**: Well, you're an idiot because we clearly stated that Ed hates milk. Give him a lollipop, he'll calm down.

**Q**: Ed escaped!!! And for some reason I can't find him anyway, just his brother walking around by himself. What happened??

**A**: It's rare and difficult to kidnap Ed more then once (though a few has done it), most likely he's hiding from you inside Al's armor. This can be solved by opening it.

**Q**: I'm a yaoi fan and I managed to capture both Ed and Roy using your guide, but they're not doing anything but muttering plans of escape. What do I do?

**A**: Damn you...using our guide for evil. But, if you must fulfill your yaoi fangirl dreams, the option of hypnosis is always available. But don't forget what will happen to you after you try it. You've been warned.

**Q**: I captured Ed but he says he has to go to the bathroom. I don't want to help him because it's too fan girly. If I let him go by himself he'll just escape. What do I do? I don't want to have to clean up any accidents...-.-;

**A**: Damn girl, that's a predicament. Your best guess is just to convince him to let you do it for him if he ever wants to pee for him. That, plus candy and maybe a little hypnosis might solve that problem. Or...diapers.

(contact to add ur own)

**_Final Note:_**

The longest you can manage being with Ed is about a month or two so make the best with it! We hope this will increase your chances with Edward and that you have fun with him when he's your hostage! Good luck!


	3. Alphonse Elric

Al's your bishi you say? Well, I can see why! Al's freaking adorable! He's much arguably the cutest FMA character besides the homunculus Wrath.

_Basic Information:_

Name: Alphonse Elric _(also responds as Al, Aru(Alu)-kun, occasionally the Fullmetal Alchemist (to the upset of Ed),Little Brother, Mr. Elric, Arukins(eh?) and unfortunately Tin-can man )_

Age: 14

Born: (...no idea, actually. help here?), 1900

Dies: To save his brother. Aww...

Height: Armor or human?

Weight: Wikipedia doesn't say.

Likes: Cats, alchemy, martial arts, his brother in a non-yaoi way, and apparently pancakes...

Dislikes: ...come on, Al disliking! Unspeakable!

Family: Trisha-mother, Hohenhiem- Father, Edward and Envy- Brothers Dante- ...distant Mom type thingy

Fangirls claimed by: Pat(punkettebebe), silver candle, X.ElementAlchemist.X, Drifting Wolf, Dreams - United, HannahSheep(Sheep), Mayuna (contact Full Metal Ayumi to claim a bishi! It's never to late to pick someone already chosen!)

Current Status: Captured as of...no...wait...currently running for his life in escape from mob of fangirls.

_Knowing Alphonse Elric:_

Things you need to know about Alphonse Elric before you go to kidnap him:

One of the cutest bishis in Fullmetal Alchemist, Alphonse Elric is the younger brother of Edward Elric. Just coming back into his original body, Al has the mind of a 14 year old when he is indeed 17, making him a lot more innocent and trusting. Though its harder to get him to leave his brother alone and go off on his own for a bit, it's not impossible! _See using Bait for more information._

It is important to notice that Alphonse is able to use alchemy with his hands, using the same procedure as with his brother would make for a lower rate of escape. Or...just take off his gloves, even though he can draw transmutation circles.

_Preparation_:

As his brother disappears randomly from repeated fangirl attacks at least once a month, Al becomes nervous at the mention of fangirls. He has been taught what to do to avoid regular, untrained fangirl attacks, so always be on your guard and try to do the unexpected.

Before starting, you must make sure that Ed is nowhere near Al when you go after him. Even if your goal is to capture both, their alchemic skills combine will in the end, defeat you.

If using a regular approach to Al, make sure to act nice and make yourself pretty, but none to rival the Mary Sues of the world. Al might be reminded of his mother and come to trust you more.

Always make sure you have the Full Metal Ayumi patented Alphonse Elric Fangirl Kit with you.

_Using bait_:

This is highly recommended in capturing Alphonse Elric. Being attached to his brother, it's found hard to get him alone without the use of bait.

Seeing as Al has a tendency for looking for stray animals (usually kitties), make sure to have an adorable kitten handy to lure him away. This works best if its a particularly rainy day. This can lure him closer to your trap.

Also, using the same technique in masking your voice using the Full Metal Alchemist VoiceChanger, you can bring Al closer by pretending to be Ed.

Or, you could use the Full Metal Alchemist VoiceChanger to pretend to be the Elric brothers' teacher, Izumi. Top this off with sounding angry and throwing (pointy) objects at Al.

Note: This can't be used with Edward because there's a chance he might dodge the attacks and run over to beg for mercy.

_Capturing Alphonse Elric:_

Capturing Alphonse is somewhat easier then capturing his brother, seeing as he doesn't have as much experience with working with fangirls before. As with his brother, surprising him is key; whacking him with something dull and heavy as to not to bruise him.

Swarming with fangirls can be used, but beware if any pieces of metal is around, being as Al can bind parts of his soul to it and fight back.

Al will probably have to be unconscious to capture, although not always if you think of another way to bring him down.

W_aking up Alphonse_

If you had chosen to knock Al unconscious and don't feel like waiting for him to wake up on his own, here's a few suggestions:

Using a sound resembling a cat noise might pull Al from unconsciousness to find and help the kitty before completely coming to.

Another option is using the Full Metal Alchemist VoiceChanger to make yourself sound like Izumi and yell at him to wake him up.

Just being a fangirl may wake him up, but it will completely terrify him, so try to hold back those urges.

And then, if you're looking for a more comical approach, mutter into Al's ear as he sleeps. A nightmare is surely to occur in his head, making him mutter funny phrases until waking up.

There are many more ways to wake him up, be creative!

_Coping with Al after he's been captured_:

After realizing that he's been taken by a fangirl, Al will probably be completely scared. Make sure to act kindly towards him while disarming him. Make sure you have his gloves stored tight and that you have gotten rid of any and all chalk, markers and anything that could make a transmutation circle. Give him candy, a plushie and something cute and cuddly before introducing yourself and etc.

Also remember that Al seems to have a connection with his brother (the mysterious Elric telepathy might conveniently awaken, so beware all mind messages) so during the first hour or so he might be rescued my his brother. Make sure to avoid this at all costs.

_Taking care of Al_

Caring for Al is slightly easier to manage with, being more take care of him, being more trustworthy. He probably will slightly enjoy his time with you, even if there's hopes for escape.

Feeding: Al eats a lot, but not as much as his brother. When feeding him, you're free to let him feed himself as long as you watch him. Give him sweets and pancakes to keep him happy. Make him more comfortable to not scare him, and try not to be hostile or fangirly.

Sleeping: Al sleeps a lot, probably from lack of sleep for about 4 years or so. Make sure he's comfy and has at least 3 plushies of his brother to keep him company. DO NOT CLIMB INTO BED WITH HIM!

Leisure: Usually, if you have given Al a kitty or two to play with, he'll spend a lot of time caring for them. He also likes reading and etc. Make sure to talk with him, as he's very social and will become depressed from being alone.

Cleaning: -Let him clean himself, there's no need to make him have nightmares from having fangirls bathe him.

_Fangirling_:

Being as fearful to fangirl acts as he is, fangirling MUST be kept to a minimum with Alphonse. All hope for an Alphonse naked in bed will traumatize him completely, so give up that dream. Hypnotism might work though, but don't try as he is more prone to getting mad when hypnotized. And we're not sure how mad he can get.

_Escaping: _

Escape may not be the first thing on Al's mind, he still wants freedom. His brother will, eventually, burst through the door to save him, so make sure, if you want to keep both Elric brothers to yourself, to secure Ed so they can be together.

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

**Q**: Okay, I captured Al and he was asking if he could have his gloves back. I didn't think it was so bad so I gave them to him and now I can't find him! What happened???

**A**: Didn't we say not to give him his gloves??? You're screwed now, try looking for another bishi to hunt.

**Q**: Al's acting weird. He won't stop whining and cursing to himself. And for some reason his hair turned gold and he has automail! And he seems shorter...what happened???

**A**: ...you're an idiot. You kidnapped Ed, not Al! But hey, you just bagged yourself a Fullmetal Alchemist. Have some fun with him while going back to getting his brother.

**Q**: All my Al does is mope around and cry for Edward...how can I improve his mood?

**A**: Did you give him a kitty? Failing to provide him with his favorite feline causes him to remember his predicament. Or, if you have, just capture Edward.

**Q**: How can I stop Al from bringing every stray cat in the neighborhood home??

**A**: Kill all the cats. Or, if you're not sadistic and evil, stop letting Al out to find kitties, or firmly tell him that kitties are now off limits. Give him something to cheer him up if he cries.

**Q**: Okay...I thought I kidnapped Alphonse Elric...but now I'm not so sure...is it possible I snagged Envy in disguise?

**A**: Is he acting non Al-like? It can be possible that you've taken Envy by mistake. There's never completely a sure way to know unless you offer a night in bed to Al and he happily accepts. Then that's Envy.

**Q**: I'm trying really hard to convince Al that he's gay and loves his brother. I've been showing these pictures of Elricest from the internet and was reading EdxAl stories from FanFiction, but all I've managed to do is get him into an emo/crying fit and he won't get out of the corner! What did I do wrong?

**A**: Oh, for the love of...PLEASE stop using the guide to commit these heinous acts! If there's anything Al fears more then fangirls, its yaoi. You broke Alphonse, you dimwit! You'll have to resort to hypnotism to get him back to normal. That won't stop the nightmares, unfortunately.

(contact to add ur own)

**Edit: Alphonse has just been captured by Mayuna as of now. Sorry for the confusion.**

**-Full Metal Ayumi**

**_Final Note:_**

The percentage of fangirl attacks for Alphonse is rapidly growing, so snatch him while you can before he starts learning about fangirl raids! Good luck and have fun!


	4. Roy Mustang

Roy Mustang is a playa. Which is why he's so desirable. That is all.

_Basic Information:_

Name: Roy Mustang _(also responds as __Roy__, Colonel, Mustang, Taisa, Flame Alchemist, Flamey, Hot Tamale(don't ask), Colonel Bastard/Colonel Shit (by Ed) and Hey you, give me back my girlfriend!)_

Age: 29 (but 30 in the manga!)

Born: Uh...

Height: 173 cm (hahaha, convert it on your own)

Weight: This information is classified military information and can be viewed in Roy Mustang's personal file with permission.

Likes: Girls and all the things you can do to them -sweatdrop-, miniskirts, fire, the idea of being Fuhrer, his friends, making fun of people, namely Ed, being lazy...

Dislikes: Water, being called useless, war, working

Family: ...unknown except proven that he has 3 older sisters that used to put him in dresses when he was young...okay...that's just weird...

Fangirls claimed by: Kiyoko, Eli(fullmetal'sgirl92), silver candle, Vannessa Hillstead, Drifting Wolf, Mortis Royale, Riza Hawkeye -although she won't admit it- (contact Full Metal Ayumi to claim a bishi! It's never too late to pick someone already chosen!)

Current Status: Escaped as of July 3rd. Currently slaving away on paperwork as Hawkeye watches him with a loaded gun.

_Knowing Roy Mustang:_

Things you need to know about Roy Mustang before you go to kidnap him:

The pimp/lady's man of Fullmetal Alchemist, Roy Mustang is the perverted military official of Edward Elric. His current goal is to become the Fuhrer to 'reshape the country' as he claims, though it is known that he will make all female personal wear tiny miniskirts as part as their uniform. (Oh, the horror...)

It also should be noticed that Roy Mustang is extremely lazy and usually has to be threatened to get to work. He also hates rain/water before they render his flame alchemy useless, which he hates being, even though it is.

Roy Mustang also secretly has his own personal army which is known as the MiniSkirt Army, or MSA for short. Not much is known about this army except that most of the members are girls and they wear miniskirts. If more information comes up about the MSA, please let us know.

_Preparation_:

As said before, Roy is a pervert. So prepare to wow him with something kinky. Find your skimpiest outfit and make it even skimpier, use scissors to cut the size in half. Miniskirts especially gain Roy's attention. There's no need to not go overboard; Roy's too stupid to be cautious and basically throws himself at a Mary Sue.

And make sure that Riza Hawkeye is nowhere near Roy while attempting capture. Even though she's not seen, remember her code name 'the Hawk's Eye', plus her excellent shooting skills will take you out in less then a second. The easiest way is by drugging her; slipping some sleeping pills into her afternoon coffee will suffice.

Always make sure you have the Full Metal Ayumi patented Roy Mustang Fangirl Kit with you.

_Using bait_:

This isn't completely needed, since Roy Mustang is indeed a fool, but it helps anyway.

After making sure Riza Hawkeye is out of the picture, proceed to lure Roy out of the office and outside. This can be used by either sending a loveletter through one of the military officers you bribe, or hanging a miniskirt on a string. After Roy spots it, tug on the string and pull it towards your location. Roy's sure to follow it.

Also, there's always the option of using the FullMetal Alchemist VoiceChanger to either make your voice sound like Riza's to bring outside, make it into Hughes to chase outside while ranting about Hughes' daughter and wife (Note: To be used if your aiming to capture the Roy of episodes 1-26 for spoiler reasons), or you can sound like Major Armstrong and shout about your family's generations.

_Capturing Roy Mustang:_

To be perfectly honest, capturing Roy is way too easy. So easy, there's really no reason for this chapter. As long as your female, and you have boobs, all you really need to do is knock him out and tie him up.

Now, if the case is that you're flat...

Be creative and combine knowledge from other chapters.

W_aking up __Roy_

Because no fangirl kidnapping is complete without knocking out your bishi. Here's some way to wake him up!

If you happen to have a gun ready, which then you'll have to admit that you're completely psychotic, set it off and yell at him for not doing his paperwork. This will wake him up instantly. Make sure to have some cleaver flirt about paperwork handy.

Another can be splashing him with water. That will not only wake him up, but will also make him useless with his flame alchemy, preventing escape.

Or, you can cheerfully shout "Fuhrer, the miniskirt law has been established!". Be sure that you're wearing some sort of military uniform complete with miniskirt, and after he wakes up, you can start your steamy romance worthy of all the Full Metal Alchemist lemons in the world.

And another option is to do something completely sexy and/or kinky. We fail to describe these actions for this is rated T.

There are many more ways to wake him up, be creative!

_Coping with __Roy__ after he's been captured_:

It will take a couple of moments for the fact of his kidnapping to register in Roy's small girl obsessed mind, so to keep him distracted before he realizes this, be a fangirl if you want and snog the hell out of him if you need to. Make sure while he's distracted with kissing you, you get rid of his gloves. Hide them well, because he's bound to find them.

Also make sure all matches, sticks, rocks that can make sparks and anything else that can make fire is not present in the household.

Remember that Riza swore to protect Roy, and will come after you when she's found you. Prepare for a fight.

_Taking care of __Roy_

Roy enjoys the fact that he won't have to do anything for himself anymore so here's some proper instructions to take care of him.

Feeding: Roy'll eat practically anything if he's hungry enough, and even if you've chosen to keep his hands untied, he's too lazy to eat by himself and will probably choose to starve then to do anything himself. To avoid that, feed him yourself. It's bound to spark some romance.

Sleeping: Roy doesn't particularly sleep very long during the night, since he spends most of his time during the day sleeping. He won't mind if you use him as a pillow and/or teddy bear as long as you give him something in return. And what he wants is bound to be something perverted.

Leisure: Sleeping and making out (and other things) is basically all Roy wants to do to keep him happy. Make sure to give it to him, otherwise he'll become cranky and might try to escape.

Cleaning: After the first couple of days, Roy will probably get so lazy he'll want you to bathe with him. If that's the case, feel free to dunk him into a tub full of bubbles and jump in with him, or stuff him into a shower with you. This will also spark some romance.

_Fangirling_:

You're in luck! With Roy being a pervert and all, feel free to go all the way with him! But the more you do, the harder Riza's wrath shall fall upon you. You have been warned.

REMEMBER, ALLOWING THIS FOREVER LABELS ROY AS A PEDOPHILE!

...but who gives a damn?

_Escaping: _

Roy will probably realized that while he's being 'captured against his will', he wouldn't have to work and will probably stay with you for as long as possible. Mind you, if Riza doesn't show up for a month, he'll get bored and will wander off somehow.

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

**Q**: I took away Roy's gloves so he wouldn't burn any of my flammable stuff, but now he keeps moping around and won't let me take care of him! What should I do?

**A**: Give him a pair of cosplayer's gloves, the kind not made of ignition cloth. This way, he won't feel as lonely and useless and will cuddle up to you more.

**Q**: I've managed to hide Roy's gloves...yet again. How the hell does he keep finding them if his hands are tied up?!

**A**: Somehow, Roy seems to have established some sort of 'Glove Radar' and keeps locating them...try tying him to a chair. He'll be distracted by how kinky that is.

**Q**: I want Roy to engage in hot and steamy man smex with Ed! How do I get the two of them to cooperate between the sheets?

**A**: WTF STOP USING THIS GUIDE FOR YAOI

Look under the Edward Elric section for your answer.

**Q**: Riza's here!!!! HELP!

**A**: Hahahahahahahahahaha. You're screwed. Nice knowing you, and thank you for purchasing the Fangirl Guide!

**Q**: Um... Roy doesn't do anything, ALL day. He just sits in one place all day, ignoring me. I kidnapped him for a personal slave, here!

**A**: You kidnapped the wrong person then. Roy's straight up lazy.

**Q**: I accidentally let Roy watch some gory war movie and he ran away! When I found him, he was locked up in a dark room, with all these transmutation circles everywhere! What happened???

**A**: Uh...bad idea. Don't let Roy watch war movies. He'll be reminded of the Ishbalan Massacre and go all emo on you. Don't let him do any human transmutations. In case you didn't know, Human Transmutation equals **BAD! **Get some apple pie quick, and get ready for some extreme cuddling.

**Q**: Why is Roy paying more attention to the puppy then me!?

**A**: Relax, he's just admiring the puppy's loyalty. An easy way to say this is to dress yourself up as a playboy puppy (i.e. playboy bunny outfit but pointy white dog ears like Inuyasha, mini-tail, and leash and collar), and play a nice simple game of Master and Slave. Guess who the slave will be?

(contact to add ur own)

**_Final Note:_**

This catch is so simple; it's surprising that Roy hasn't been captured more often. Happy fangirling!


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